The flu is getting worse with a more sore throat and higher fever. I'm not sure if I should go to work tomorrow. It's not that I'm in bed all the time, but I'm not up all the time either. I would be able to do a short run in the park. But I'm not able to perform a whole work day, as I'm not willing. Not at all. It would make me feel a lot more depressive as I am now.
Canceled my vacation for January to Crete. I don't know, but I think it might be better to save my money, no matter how much of a good deal it would have been to travel there. It would have been 600 Euro + meals. I'm feeling a bit of a relieve. Maybe I'll book something else when I feel for it.
Had my 2nd psychotherapy last Friday. I think that this woman isn't good enough for my problems. It's not that she is not qualified enough, but I think she doesn't suit too good for the problems I have. She's not into feelings. She don't ask the right questions, she speaks to much of herself I think. I think I'll go try another one. I don't need a therapy where the therapist needs to show off the qualities he or she might have. I don't want her opinion, I need solutions. I want a way out. Desperately.
I read a book by Barbara Sher with the title "I could do anything If I only knew what it was" lately. I began so promising. But I ended up disappointed. Again. I'm so near tears, all the time.
Yesterday I watched a movie called "Precious" That movie is so very good! It shows reality. It's about a 16 year old, black, overweight girl who's father abuses her and who's mother is violent in physically and psychically ways. It's the very sad story of her and the system she's born in. I think that this is just the surface of how millions of humans of all kind are treated and how hopeless the world is. We all live in our small worlds avoiding to see the rude reality. Sometimes it shows up on us and it destroys everything else we believed in before. No safety belts. Everything can be destroyed in an instant. Are we thankful for what we have? Are we thankful for the luck that we are born into a wealthy society where cruelness isn't as usual as in others? Are we thankful at all?
What is this quest of happiness? It surely is not having tons of money to spend on useless civilization crap you are forced to get. What else do we need as something to eat, a place to sleep and have something to wear.
We are so much involved into this materialism that we hardly see what is most important. Isn't it love? What do we have, if we don't get and give love?
11:51 am - November 20, 2011
Recent entries:
- - April 17, 2019
- - April 10, 2019
Das kannste schon so machen, aber dann ist es halt Kacke - April 08, 2019
- - March 25, 2019
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