It is now nearly one year since my dog Tula died. I only had her for two years or so. I found her (or maybe she found me) in an animal shelter.
At the end of 2005 I quit working because the department I used to work for should move to the wider area of Frankfurt which was like 300 km away from the place I used to live. So I went unemployed for 2 years because of that. I had problems to find a new work as job market in that area was really bad for that kind of job I was searching for. As I didn't really needed a job because my former husband had some kind of pretty good income I wasn't searching for a new job pretty hard too. So, I was looking for some part-time job or so. Even harder to find...
I decided, as I had so much free time, that it would be nice to have a dog again. When I was a kid we used to have a dog at home. So I went to the animal shelter. She was one of the dogs I saw first when I entered. She wasn't barking at all but all the other dogs did. She looked sad and somehow unkempt. Her color was something between sand and cinnamon and white. I held my fingers through the fence and she licked my fingers. Then I went on looking for a dog which would match my wishes, as I decided that Tula was to tall. I was looking for a smaller dog. I saw one. A little anxious something. I applied to get that little dog but the animal shelter gave it to someone else as they thought that my garden at home wasn't the right place for such a small anxious dog. So I went back to the animal shelter. The clerk there then proposed Tula for me. I guess then I was thinking that she was the one who was meant to be with me. The day when I drove to the shelter was a cold and snowy day in early February of 2006. She was so sunshiny to get out of the kennel and go for a little walk with me before I took her home.
First days it was strange to have a living thing at my side which was so dependant on me. She was MY dog. She followed me everywhere where I went. I was her pack. My husband wasn't at home for the first 2 weeks when I brought her to our home, so she get's to know him a while afterwards. Well, he belonged to the pack then too but I still was the one she respected most. She never barked, she was always friendly, she loved me so selflessly. She was one of loveliest dogs that I have known in my life.
She was a passionate hunter. And a passionate runner. I don't know exactly which races she belonged too. She originally came from an animal shelter from Spain where she was supposed to get killed. But there was definitely running and hunting races in her blood. She was build thin and tall. Her shoulder height was 60 cm and she weighed 21 kg at the beginning and then 25 kg after I fed a bit of flesh on her after she came out of the shelter. She was very skinny in the beginning. She didn't eat everything no matter how hungry she was. Very delicate with her food. E.g. our postman always had some treats for dogs in his pockets. She didn't eat any of those. I know that every other dog in our village eats them because the postman told so, but Tula didn't. She loved lying in the sun. She always lied down where the sun was brightest and warmest. We went out for walks at least 4 times a day. She loved to be outside and run. I always took a ball with me and she never was too tired to run after that ball. She was also a very well-behaved dog. She obeyed really good. I began to train her as a man-tracking dog too. But as the trainer moved away I stopped doing that training. Then time began where I decided to break up with husband and move to Bavaria again. I got a job down here and Tula moved with me. It was very hard for both of us. I had to go to work the whole day and she was alone for those hours. In the first time she went with me and waited for me in my car. I took her out for walks in my break at noon. Then I found a boarding kennel where I brought her before I went to work and picked her up after work. It was like I was bringing a kid to Kindergarden and back. After a few weeks I realized that she wasn't as fit as she used to be. She was only like 4 years old and sometimes walked like she was 20 years or so. So, I went to the veterinarian clinic with her. They diagnozed that she has leishmaniosis. The veterinarian said that this is not unusual for dogs from Spain as there are a lot of sandflys who are the carrier for this disease. That disease is like malaria. It breaks out from time to time. Veterinarian said that it isn't really clear what causes the outbreak at the end. They gave her medication and painkillers that she could feel better. But nothing seems to help with her condition. It got worse and worse. She wasn't able to walk or even stand up from lying. I had to carry her everywhere. At the end she even wasn't able to stand alone and pee and do anything. But she never lost her appetite and always was friendly and lovely no matter how much pain she had. The vetenarian then kept her in the clinic for some days and tried out each medication which was supposed to help but nothing was able to get her better it even got worse.
The veterinarian said that he wasn't able to help her and that we have to decide what was best for her.
So I had to decide over life and death.
She died in my arms on my lap, when the vet gave her that last shot and I am still in deepest pain in my heart when I think of that. I can't stop crying when I think of that moment. I am always questioning myself if that was the right decision. If there maybe would have been another solution, another medication which would have helped her.
Having a creature which is so dependant on you sometimes is also a burden of course. I always had to think of her first, when I planned things like visiting someone or travelling somewhere and financially of course.
I miss her so very much! She was the sunshine in my life. I will never forget her.
She tought me a lot.
She died at 11 am on the 12th of March in 2008.
I still have the carpet she was always resting on, I still have the balls she always loved to run after. I still have two baskets full of things which belonged to her. I am not able to throw those things away.
11:01 - March 03, 2009
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