The night was a boring one. He was all nice but so shy and somehow lazy and he didn't take any initiatve. I don't like that at all. And he was absolutely silent in everything. I don't like that too. I need "feedback". It seems that I am always so self-confident in things with dating and sex, but I am not. I am always insecure about what people think about me and if I do things right or good enough. But I try to not show it that much. I guess that's going to stay with me like tar pitch no matter how much experience I gather.
Now he's gone and I'm glad that I have my appartment on my own again. Fresh bedsheets and removing everything what reminds me of that visit is what I did first after he left. That's what I always do after such a date. I guess I should stop dating persons I don't really want to date. I'm always asking myself why I am like that and make out such things just to not disappoint or hurt peoples feelings. I have to stop that! It's not good for me!
Training with PT was very exhausting. He shooed me up 9 times a steep hill in various forms. And in between I had to run 2 x 5 minutes in a pretty fast speed. So I was very tired but also very satisfied with me yesterday in the evening.
Snow is melting but not as fast as I wish.
I have to go running today again. It's going to be pretty slippery with all that snow slush.
13:18 - February 22, 2009
Recent entries:
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Das kannste schon so machen, aber dann ist es halt Kacke - April 08, 2019
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