Haven't managed to say anything to J., what I wanted. I'm such a coward! The only thing I did was saying "No", when he wanted to have sex this morning, when he picked me up at my place. I'm so angry at me, that I often don't stand up against people, just to have no fights or discussions. I'm a coward, coward, coward! He looks at me sometimes like he's somehow in love with me. I don't want that. I want no complications in my life!
We were on a small mountain today. Easy to walk. Clear and sunny sky and absolutely no snow in sight. Great day out in the Alpes. I love that. I'm wondering as it is already November and there's no snow. But last week was really warm with "Foehn" and that wind has surely melted every snow which has been up there. My nose is sun-burned.
PT emailed me. He wrote: "Du bist lieb". Whatever he meant with that, I like it and it give's me a warm feeling in my stomach. He'll call me tomorrow to discuss the results of the sports performance. He wrote that I will have much to do in training. *sigh*.
Now I lie in my bed, feeling lonely. On the other hand I don't want to see anyone. There are always two hearts in me. I can't decide which ones the best for me. Even if, there's noone who would come by right now to bear my company.
I'm a coward!!!!!!
18:23 - November 10, 2008
Recent entries:
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Das kannste schon so machen, aber dann ist es halt Kacke - April 08, 2019
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